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It's Christmastown

May 20, 2019

Ah, Paris, and SUMMER VILLA (2016), and time to askHow's the writing going? ... THEME ... Who's a medical model, by the way ... Expecting swill, getting a delightful soufflé ... Moments of silence ... The Expositional Challenge ... He's a thicc lad ... Plot wrap-up ... Jean-Luc and The Butcher ... Bill DeBlasio, Child of the Corn ... The Democratic Candidate Night Club ... Beto's eternal relaunch ... It worked! ... Hilarie Burton is bae ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: No ... Wallace Shawn, Bruce Vilanch ... Eat Your Heart Out: Raspberry glaze; hotel-restaurant presentation; pine-nut baguette sandwich; "swordfish is butt, to me"; anodized pans; Hallmark-ass food fight; turned by the sandwich; raw egg slide, wrecked kitchen; milk pig ... BREAK ... Deproblematizing the discourse ... Oafish but not malicious ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Quebec, not Provence; Carrie Bradshaw; writer in-house in a Hallmark writer's workshop; Corbin Bernsen with a Bluetooth ... Overdetermined: No Hallmark-grade contrivances; music at all NY events; I'm shopping here music; especially nasty blind date; classic ad hom; the Za Za Zu; immediate apology; is Matthew Everston a men's-rights activist; Gord Willis, the Canadian Prince of Darkness; the lovely and quiet hot chocolate scene ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: It basically qualifies but nah; Abby as a non-adolescent teen; your passion never goes away ... Partner Chat: Why can't the 15-year-old have wine?; Mormons, marshmallows, bowls; The Vice of the Most Wholesome; nasty marshmallows and Doctor Chocolate; mug of sex juice; isn't he sort of a jerk?; Pinterest chalkboard; fake muntins; awful front-door package ... "McMansion Hell" Kate Wagner Appreciation Station ... BREAK ... Emorphia Margaritis and Great Moments in Moppetry Rating: 1 ... Not enough credits, great-as-heck name ... Movie Rating: 4 ... Hearts of Spring callback ... Only a one-gear plot with some clunky early aggressiveness ... Letters to Santa: Nicest feedback ever; vomiting in 2012's Love at the Thanksgiving Day Parade; what's the vomit like; something happened to Hallmark movies; the 11th 9/11 anniversary; "Heart of Glass"; Case Keenum; Christmas at Old Town Road; 7th grade forever ... BREAK ...  The Leftovers: Hilarie Burton voice-acting goofiness in a tearful, normal phone call ... A smart person who's sad ... Carrie Lee Wilson and Emi Mochizuki Appreciation Station ... Iron Chef? ... Peter Piper's Pickled Professional Portfolio ... Learning to ride a bike! ... DeBlasio callback ... We're just asking bike questions ... Sword swallowing ... Jean-Luc: Decent, observant, needlessly owned ... Male capri pants ... THE Joan Wilder? ... Clamdiggers ... The Armond White of food critics ... Norbit ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "New French Girlfriend," by The Auteurs • "Demain Tu Peux Changer," by Dusty Springfield • "Val Venis Theme," by Jim Johnston • "Baby Love," by Annie Philippe • "C'est Ma Chanson," by Petula Clark • "Où Est Ma Tête," by Pink Martini • "Marie Douceur, Marie Colère," by Marie Laforêt • "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, with Rick Murnane