Apr 16, 2019
It's time to FLIP THAT ROMANCE (2019) and reveal: This movie was bad ... Whose fault is it? ... Like a fountain-drink suicide of Hallmark going wrong ... Expanding the Hallmark topic zone ... Jeb, pain management and HGTV ... Tyler James Tyler LOVED the flips in this movie ... Welcome to Casa Leone ... Apartment dwellers and home builders agree: This is a valueless story conceit ... Heroically making human needs more expensive ... A house flipper vs. the concept of house flipping ... "Little Boxes" flipping renovation ... My Bad Flip: leaching all humanity from this concept ... BREAK ... The Expositional Challenge: Nice ... The one (and one and one) weird thing about this movie ... Costco Depot ... A whole town of bad romance and renovation stans ... Favor? This is your JOB ... Rich people jonesing for this next score to get well ... Chandler, Ross, Indy ... Leni Riefenstahl's Christmas Village ... Charlie Sheen smug vibe ... Thawed-out romance, with trolling ... Everything that flatlines might converge ... BREAK ... Substack Blog Plug ... Beaten by alumni ... Spot the Angel: A whole town! ... Drag This House: Home design center "class" options; contractor spec house picks; the Katherine Heigl kitchen; House Beautiful; debased design language; more humid than humid; conceptually beige and easy to sell; wet-paint color decisions ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: In the Heart of Hearts of Spring ... Eat Your Heart Out: The Hallmark debut of rosé; buttchugging; this is how old you are now; excruciating lasagna scene; shut up and eat; just so rude ... Overdetermined: Flower arrangement ... Rating: 1 ... Mateen Cleaves Appreciation Station ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: "Epic fail" and "hangry," welcome to the canon ... First-opportunity kiss ... Positive gaysian character ... Character actor with a good IMDB page ... "Have a healthy breakfast" music ... Overbidding by $18,000 like a moron ... Time-bending countertops ... "There are opportunities here" ... Inspirational five-foot rose mural ... I thought we were going to hit it out of the park with this flip ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "Cantaloop" by US3 • "More Human Than Human," by White Zombie • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane