Apr 1, 2019
It's time for 2018's LOVE, OF COURSE, the harvest festival and: All right, Tumbleweed, let's row ... Your call to the Winklevosses is important ... THEME ... Good evening ... Dave's not pulling his weight ... Laughing out loud at "Love, Of Course" ... Golf movie? ... Love, Tautologically ... The Jim Furyk-Hale Irwin Axis ... Good! Mostly nothing, badly paced ... Kelly Rutherford and Cameron Mathison Appreciation Station ... Less densely plotted than Ski School ... BREAK ... Plot in 15 Minutes Max: Ex-accountant, Lion of the PTA ... Gossip Girl swag standards ... Internet of Things kitchen ... Farm-to-A&M ... Mathison Poppin' ... Moms not hitting the release button ... Buff, friend-adjacent professor ... Canadian science-fiction reference ... Graciously Gossip Girling ... Noah, from the School of Harvest Studies ... Consenting to a harvest festival and romance ... Rutherford and Mathison are too good for the fakeouts ... Kissing, then sharing blood type ... Avoiding the conversation and conclusion for a passive quit ... Too adultly acted to be this childish ... Was our frustration intentional? ... Phoef Sutton shout-out ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Zero, but with child and black-friend fakeouts ... US Olympian, America's Sweetheart, Gabby Douglas and missed Gymkatas ... Rotary texting ... Orchard largesse ... Eat Your Heart Out: Classic pumpkin-zucchini muffins; muffin batter; pumpkin bowling; bread bowl; two bar visits; Untouchables; apple cider, pear cider; Hallmark doesn't believe that salad exists; alienatingly normal plate of penne and garlic bread; unappetizing/pornographic farmer's market fare ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: All Things Valentine romance hatred, Bookstore Boss Goes Bonkers! tabloid reportage romance hatred and the Hearts of Spring universe ... Bromides in the air ... The Balkan connections to the Hallmark universe ... Overdetermined: Lonnnnnng clip; Marco Polo; incredible root metaphor; friend advice, homemade soup; thoughtful enough overdetermination ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Yes, matching sheets, Mr. Huggsy ... Letters to Santa plug ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Effective daughtering ... The Quotable Gus Van Houten ... Makenzie Vega Appreciation Station ... Competent movie reference ... Missed Kiss #1 and physical space ... Normal-movie direction ... McBanjo ... Chloe Caroline ... Pumpkin waste ... Rating: 3 ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane