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It's Christmastown

Sep 24, 2018

DESI JEDEIKIN of the Hollywood Crime Scene podcast self-censors for Love on Safari (2018), Jeb mispronouncing "ukuthula" and: Jeb f*cking up an intro ... Desi is custom-made for Lifetime Original Movies ... Whipsawing male emotions in a waiting room ... Publix ... The Expositional Challenge ... A web marketer who never hustles ... Leading man resting-sneer face ... "Make the elephant go viral" ... Scottsdale vs. Swimming with sharks ... Falling in love with a large inheritance ... Grandmotherly Chabert kiss ... Spot the Angel: The "magical negro" vs. the selfless stepsister ... Creeping a Hallmark director's Instagram ... REAL South Africa, not just British Columbia ... Flowers in the Attic ... Eat Your Heart Out: Vanishing chef, ample iced tea, cookies cookies cookies ... Eating while your feet are in a damn pool ... Invite Desi to a white party ... Ice hotel ... Classic Lines: The stiffest cardigan, Fat Martin Shkreli's Miami Vice Cartel Collection and feckless villainy, The Linda Ronstadt Safari Catalog, sweaters in the heat, stilettos in gravel ... Hallmark Extended Universe: Benson LLC and the Radcliffe Center again ... Overdetermined: Don't be afraid to take risks, "you've changed since you've been here," "getting lost means finding the path" and when the theme song is the movie title ... Build-A-Buré Workshop: Hearts of Darkness ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: The romance/preserve plots are self-defeating ... Leftovers: Chancery! Papyrus! Fonts! ... Romcom capery music colliding with deleted-scene Lion King music ... Desi researches message boards ... An insane Toto grievance ... An African proverb about redundancy ... The love of my life Brad ... Identifying local stakeholders ... Six guests, one soul handshake and Papyrus again ... White vacationers' imperialist awakenings ... Rating: 2 (The Softest Cheese) ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "George of the Jungle Theme," by Stan Worth and Sheldon Allman • "Grazing in the Grass" by Hugh Masekela • "Tusk (Extended Version)" by Fleetwood Mac • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: • ESPN NFL Primetime Theme #1 • Follow Desi here!